Hospitalization is Not a Vacation
by Hazuki Ninja
Summary: Sai ticks off Ino in the worst possible way and manages to land himself in the hospital. Of course, Sakura's forced to watch over her rude and oblivious teammate since all the other nurses refuse. SaixSakura obviously!
1. Stupid Sai and Ino the Shinigami

**Hello everyone! Yes, I've finally gotten around to posting something new! This little fanfic just popped into my head about an hour ago and so I typed up this little prologue thing. There will be more chapters to come, and soon I promise! So yeah, it's SaixSakura. I actually like Sai a lot and I think he and Sakura could get along pretty well. Or at least once he stops insulting her XD Besides that, it's pretty short, but oh well. Enjoy! **

Even with this annoying girl squealing in his ear, Sai still managed to keep his paintbrush steady. _"Why won't she go away? Can't she tell I'm ignoring her? Or am I doing something wrong again?" _Though his face was nonchalant, Sai was mentally pacing, trying to figure out how to make this blonde hag go away.

"Oh Sai, what are you painting? A tiger? A flower? C'mon, you can tell me!" Ino giggled as she leaned on Sai's shoulder.

He resisted the urge to leap up, push this eye-sore girl into the river below the bridge, and then take off with his art supplies. Naruto would probably let him hide out at his place...but did Sai _really_ want to wait in that idiot's apartment for several hours? It was dirty, it smelled horrible, and Naruto would be there asking repulsive questions, including the constant pestering of whether Sai had drawn nude pictures of Sakura.

Sai sighed when he thought of that girl. Everyone noticed Sakura for her bright pink hair, her talents in the medical department, and being Tsunade's apprentice. Well, not everybody. The guys certainly didn't daydream about her and Tsunade operating together. More like they were daydreaming about Sakura taking care of _them_ at the hospital without the old hag in sight. Maybe Sakura…

"What about forehead?!" Sai dully noticed that the steady drone in his ear had turned into a roaring hurricane. He quickly figured out that he had spoken aloud at some point.

Sai mentally groaned. He thought that maybe that lazy-ass deer boy could be right for once: women were troublesome. Not all of them maybe, but most of them. Mustering up another plastic smile, the shinobi faced the terror known as Yamanaka Ino.

"I was thinking that maybe Sakura has that disgustingly fake pink hair that everyone loves, but I prefer your beautiful, natural blonde locks." _Natural my ass. If her hair isn't bleached then I'm going to be the next Hokage. Sakura's on the other hand is perfect. I just wish I could draw it right… _Sai let out the breath he didn't know he was holding. _Hopefully she'll go back to her giggling about Kami-knows-what and leave me alone to some extent. _The poor boy was horribly wrong though.

Sai could see Ino's blue eyes narrow from the corner of his own eyes. "Liar." She hissed. "You said something about Sakura taking care of guys at the hospital." The artist could hear her teeth grinding.

More flattery? Or should he just tell her off? The latter sounded very appealing, but it could have harsh consequences. Like having a bruise the size of Suna on his face and then having Naruto bringing it up whenever possible.

Well, flower-pig couldn't do a whole lot to him. She was an average ninja at best, and Sai doubted that she would kill a fellow shinobi. He hoped.

He flashed another smile in her direction. "Did I? Well, I was just hoping that maybe I would be lucky enough to be treated by that hag. Hey, anything's better than you!" _Did I overdo it? What if she still doesn't get that I don't want her around? Maybe I should keep at it for a while longer. _

"In fact, Akamaru would probably be a kisser than you. What with your big, fat lips and huge nose getting in the way." Another grin. He watched as Ino turned a violent shade of red and, shakily, stood up.

"_Sai…_" The rage in her voice was obvious. Heck, you could be deaf and still feel the waves of anger coming off of her.

Something dropped onto the red bridge. Looking over his shoulder, Sai could see a wide-eyed Sakura with a basket full of groceries at her side, vegetables and bread spilling out on the planks of wood. Only after examining the contents of her basket did he notice her talking.

"What was that Hag?" He asked politely.

Sai still couldn't hear what she was saying, so he resorted to reading the small, but full, pink lips of the wise apprentice of Tsunade.

"Run. Fast. NOW."

Glancing between the two kunoichi, Sai recognized the emotions of anger and hate when it came to Ino and…fear for Sakura? She was rarely scared of anything, though scared was a light term when it came to the terror written all over her face.

"Sai, I would run very quickly to some place very far away and very secure. That was stupid, but especially so since it's Ino we're talking about. NEVER insult her looks. If you live through this, that would be something important to remember from now on." Sakura managed to choke out that last phrase as Sai flew past her, painting abandoned on the bridge.

"SAI!!!!" Ino looked like a Shinigami, ready to take vengeance on the world. Except this world consisted of only the artist known as Sai.

As she watched her best friend take off after her teammate, Sakura sighed and began to pick up her groceries. To get involved in this would mean death. She should warn Tsunade to take Sai off any upcoming missions she had him in mind for. She should also begin to prepare a hospital room for him.

With another sigh, the pink-haired medic continued to walk across the bridge towards her apartment. Once she put away her things, Sakura would head off towards the Hokage Tower to warn the 5th.

Some would've laughed at her seriousness. Those people had obviously never met a ticked-off Ino. To those who did now of this terrifying female, this would be a good time to see a movie in a nice, dark theater where nobody would recognize them. Or perhaps request a mission to Kiri. Whatever hid you from the wrath of the flower-girl.

**Hope you liked it! Yes, I'm aware that Inu was being a little AU, but I just love the image of a Shinigami Ino, which is how I picture her when she's pissed off at Sai XD Ah, the joys of being a fanfiction writer. Please Review!! ~Zuki**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey peeps! Sorry about the really late update :( Just haven't really felt up to writing…plus junior year sucks-something-that-I-will-not-say-because-of-the-possibility-of-small-children-reading-this! (Breathes) HA! Do that in one breath. Anyways, enjoy the chapter, filled with plenty of Sakura tormenting. Oh yeah, a creative disclaimer; can't forget that, now can we? So here it is: Penguins will be used as toilet paper before I own **_**Naruto**_**. I hate you Kishi. **

"Ano…Miss Sakura?"

Sakura could faintly hear something buzzing in her ear. Waving a hand above her head, she tried to shoo the annoying bug away. It took a minute for her to comprehend that she had been rudely awakened not by a fly, but by the bleating of a trembling genin.

Realizing that she might want to hear what the kid was saying, Sakura attempted to discreetly peel various papers off of her sticky face while scrambling to sit up in her oh-so-comfortable plush chair that made her fall asleep so easily. Or so she told herself. "What?" She snapped, blinking owlishly.

The genin was shaking violently at this point. _Great. _She sighed mentally. _Scaring little children already and it's only… _Looking around her hospital office, Sakura caught the time on a clock. Her eyes grew comically as her jaw dropped to the floor. _…2:38…p.m. _Twitch. Twitch. _Okay, so it's early for a weekend morning. _

Turning her attention to the smallish-sized novice shinobi in front of her, who was mumbling something to either her or himself, the pink haired medic plastered what she hoped was an apologetic smile on her face. "I'm sorry, but would you mind repeating that?"

The black-haired boy gave her a wary look, one that someone might use when trapped in a cage with a hippopotamus with dangerous mood swin98s9dfa9n 20-qua'p 09q mqpqa48u-5drjerkr3ko

**Er-hem. Sorry about that. This is Zuki here if you didn't already know that. Sorry for the technical difficulties, but the author (that's me!) and one of the lead characters (cough)Sakura(cough) were having some, uh, disagreements over certain word choices. Thankfully, my webcam was on! So now I can sue that little bi-er, relate to you what happened so you can all be witnesses in court…I mean, so you can be entertained for all of 20 seconds! Or however long it takes you to read this. **

Zuki: (Is busily typing out completely true and actual facts about Sakura's love life in Konoha) …with…dangerous…mood…swin-

Sakura: (Punches Zuki's head into the keyboard) WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WRITING ABOUT ME?!?!?!?!?

Zuki: (Massaging head after prying it out of her now broken keyboard) Hey now, don't shoot the messenger. (Realizes what she said.) No!! Wait! I didn't mean it like that! I, I, you see, it-

Sakura: …(glares)

Zuki: …(whimpers)

Sakura: …(flames of fury sprout from body)

Zuki: …AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

_**CENSORED**_

**So, it's been about a week since then…don't worry your pretty, reviewing heads though, I'm fine for the most part. During her onslaught I put my extensive karate training to use and saved myself from further injury. All I suffered from were a few broken bones, some flesh wounds, and a minor concussion! :D Now onto our story!**

The black-haired boy gave her a wary look, one that someone might use when trapped in a cage with a hippopotamus with dangerous mood swin but continued on with his message, speaking up ever so slightly.

"Um, well, my sister, Orihara Kaori, in the A-Ward, she, ah…" The boy seemed to be looking for non-offensive words as he struggled to continue. "Shesaidthatshe'."

Raising her eyebrows and crossing her arms across her chest, Sakura gave him a look that told him to explain or else. Only a handful of people could ever get away with ignoring that look and live to tell the tale, and most chose not to relive that painful time.

"Kaori-san said she's going to quit because why?" She urged the genin on, wishing he would just hurry up and get to the point. It wasn't like she was going to shoot the messenger of bad news or anything! (**Yes, yes she would. DENIAL!**)

Swallowing hard, the preteen looked down at his standard nin-sandals. "Kaori said she would either quit or file charges for sexual harassment unless she gets assigned to a different patient."

As he had been talking/muttering, Sakura had been trying to recall who Kaori's patient was right then. It was just as he was saying "sexual harassment" that she remembered.

"Sai…" She groaned. Kaori would be the third one this _week_ to tell her almost the exact same thing, and it was starting to get annoying. _Fine, _she determinedly, and angrily, told herself. _I'll go talk to him and end this right now, even if it means gagging him with his own hiate! _

Waving to the genin, Tsunade's assistant dismissed him and then dove into some paperwork that was due today. "Later," she mumbled, shoving some lose hair behind her ear. "I'll deal with that annoying idiot right after this."

**9:49 p.m.**

"Sakura-san?"

Jerking her head up, the teenager looked into the open, round face of Kaori. Sakura stared blankly into the nurse's waiting look as her brain scrambled to catch up. Once it did, she buried her head into her hands with a sigh. "I'm so sorry Kaori-san. I meant to come by earlier, but I was trying to catch up on some stuff that-"

The medic felt a hand placed on her shoulder as a dry chuckle echoed off the walls of her office. "It's alright Sakura-san. I figured you'd be doing something like this, but I still wanted to talk with you today about my _patient_." The last word came with a sneer and a look of disgust. "I really did mean I would quit unless you did something about him, even if he's an important shinobi."

Sakura just shook her head and straightened up. "I understand Kaori-san, don't worry. I _have_ been on a team with him for 3 years, as I'm unfortunately able to say." She gave a small chuckle of her own. "Guess that means I'll be stuck with him."

Kaori glanced at the disaster-zone of a desk and gave her a confused look. "You will? But, with all this work…"

With a predatory grin stretched across the pinkette's face, she looked like the devil-incarnates wife. "Oh, but that's what the sweet, innocent little genin and chuunin are for, my dear Kaori-san. I would have thought you'd have figured that out by now, what with your little brother being one and all that."

The two medics chatted for a while longer until Kaori had to get back to work on her other patients, which left Sakura with only one mission in mind. Well, two. Actually, three if you want to be accurate. First, find a ninja lower ranking than her and make them do her work. Next, locate and devour food. Finally, talk to the dick-happy ninja who was in for a much-deserved throat strangling.

------

Much happier with food in her stomach, Sakura was feeling pretty merciful right then. As long as Sai got down on his knees and begged for it. In the middle of yanking the door open, Sakura became aware that it was around 10:30 and most patients would be sleeping. But whatever. Sai deserved it.

Stepping inside, she was somewhat surprised to see a lamp on and Sai with a book propped up on his bed. Glancing at her face momentarily, he went back to reading, but not before greeting her with the traditional, "Hello, Ugly." All mercifulness ran dry from the medic's body at that moment. Just in time did she realize she was in a hospital, or else who knows what would've happened. Instead, Sakura just walked over to her teammate and smacked him in the head, though not as hard as she could have. Sai _was_ a patient after all.

"What were you thinking?!" She whisper-screamed, fury sketched into every visible aspect of her body. "Do you know how many nurses I've had to shuffle around because of you?!"

Still rubbing his tender head, Sai flashed one of his marionette doll-like smiles to the raging medic and answered politely, "Quite a few I'm sure. Am I supposed to apologize for making you do your job for once? Or will smiling be enough?"

-----

The waitress eyed the two kunoichi as they tore their way through an offending meat platter with great vigor. Shaking her head, thinking about how ill-bred these ninja females were today, she left them to their lunch.

Sakura spared a moment to drain her cup of green tea and complain some more. "The little bastard!! I work harder than he probably ever has in his god-forsaken LIFE and what does he say? That he's glad he can encourage me to do my work for once!! AURGH!! It makes me so MAD!!"

Ino nodded in sympathy as she moved out of the way of Sakura's spit fountain. Sometimes there were days when idiots just had to make life crap. Those were the days when Sakura and Ino, sometimes the other girls too, gathered at a favorite restaurant and spilled everything to each other. It was their form of therapy for the annoying little petty things.

"I agree, but maybe you took things a little too far? I mean, he's back in the B-Wing now," the blonde protested as she picked at some rice. Sakura gaped at her.

"Bu-But, you! You were the one who chased him across Konoha for _hours_, beat him to a pulp, and made him hide in the ANBU building, where he was then _further_ beaten up because he ran into a secret meeting and they thought he was an enemy-nin! And you're saying that I took it, '_a little too far_'?!?!?" Sakura would've gone on except for the fact that Ino was laughing by the time she paused for a breath.

"Relax Forehead, I didn't mean it like that. Personally, I wish I had been there to help," she said, her blue eyes dancing. "I was merely referring to the fact that now Sai's going to be at the hospital even longer, since you reopened most of his wounds, plus gave him some new ones to match."

Sakura literally stopped breathing for a minute until Ino gave her a slap. "Wake up, Forehead!"

"Shut up, Ino-pig," she automatically replied. Groaning, Team 7's sole female rested her head on the table. "He's having way too much fun at my expense. Do you know what he told me? He said that he enjoyed being on vacation! What with no work, room service, and plenty of free time, even if the scenery was boring." The Hokage's apprentice almost began to cry at this point.

Ino's chuckling distracted her though. "Hospitalization is not a vacation, especially with you in charge Forehead!"

With a not-so-nice grin beginning to spread across her face, life began to look up for Sakura to some extent. "Ooh, I cannot WAIT until I prove that to him! That little shithead will be sorry he messed with me!"

"And me too, of course!" Ino added with glee.

Sakura giggled like her former preteen self. "I think he already is! But we'll make him even sorrier. Sai has messed with the wrong kunoichi!"

And with that simple pact between two girlfriends, Sai's, Sakura's, Ino's and other untold people's lives would come to screeching halts and completely change course.

**End chapter 2. Not my best work, but I wrote it at 2 am and I don't really feel like putting in much more of an effort. I did edit this a bit before I posted it, but not by much. Tell me if you see any mistakes! I know I'm supposed to write for me and only me, or at least that's what I keep telling myself, but I felt like I should give you guys a Thanksgiving present ;) THANK YOU SO MUCH TO EVERYONE WHO KICKED MY BUTT INTO WRITING THIS!! **

**IMPORTANT! **

**1. Who should Ino be with? Shikamaru? Chouji? Sasuke (who will be making an appearance)? Kiba? Anyone? Tell me in your review (hint, hint) or vote in the poll I'll be putting up.**

**2. I have a new Pokemon fic that I will be posting within the week! Please check it out once I bother posting it!**

**3. Review :D**


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